


Without you is how I disappear

by henriqua



Series: Resurgence [1]
Category: Promare (2019)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23313394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/henriqua/pseuds/henriqua
Summary: “You’re alive,” Lio says, his voice barely a whisper. It’s not what he wanted to say, but it’s the first thing that comes out as relief wraps around him and settles somewhere behind his ribs.“I think that’s our line,” Meis laughs, and Lio doesn’t have the heart to tell them what really happened - not now, when Gueira is crying against his shoulder and tears are gathering in Meis’ eyes. Lio doesn’t realize he’s crying, too, until Meis reaches out and wipes a tear rolling down on his cheek. “I’m happy you’re alive, boss.”Or in which Lio is hit with a realization over and over again, learning how to live in a new world without his flames while Meis and Gueira share (way too many) meaningful looks.
Relationships: Lio Fotia & Gueira & Meis, Lio Fotia/Gueira/Meis
Series: Resurgence [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676551
Comments: 11
Kudos: 84





	Without you is how I disappear

**Author's Note:**

> I had to get this out because these three have taken over my life. Stay tuned for more c:
> 
> Title from "This is how I disappear" by My Chemical Romance.

After standing there - on top of the ruins that once was the Parnassus project - for a while, Lio realizes how heavy the air is. The rising sun shines through dust and smoke, blinding but cold, bouncing off specks of ash and travelling with the gentle wind.  
  
“Do you think the fire station’s still standing?” Aina asks, coming to Lio’s other side. Galo shades his eyes with his hand as if it would help him see better, squinting as he looks down to the destroyed city.  
  
Lio never lived in the city but he knows it well. He’s driven its streets multiple times, marking down all the landmarks, parks and buildings in his own mental map. He can recall escape routes, detours and tiny, poorly lit alleys that provide excellent hiding spots without having to work his brain too much. All of that has now turned into collapsed buildings and heavy debris, and seeing it creates something heavy inside Lio’s chest.  
  
He realizes it’s mostly his fault.  
  
“I’m pretty sure the station is fine,” Galo says, confident and smiling. He has cuts and bruises all over his body yet he doesn’t seem to be bothered by them.  
  
The wind picks up, making dust dance around them. Someone coughs and Lio struggles to breathe, his lungs suddenly heavy. All the adrenaline is starting to wear off and he’s shivering, unable to see the city remains anymore. His hands curl into fists as he forces himself to inhale, hoping (wishing, _praying_ ) that it would unwrap the invisible fingers choking him-  
  
“Boss!”

Lio’s eyes fly open at the familiar voice and he turns around so fast he feels light-headed for a brief moment. He’s running down the hill before anyone else has a chance to react, stumbling on rocks and pieces of machinery. He accumulates way too much speed and is unable to slow himself down before he reaches the bottom of the hill, but he doesn’t have to: Gueira catches him anyway, strong and steady like always.  
  
“You’re alive,” Lio says, his voice barely a whisper. It’s not what he wanted to say, but it’s the first thing that comes out as relief wraps around him and settles somewhere behind his ribs.  
  
“I think that’s our line,” Meis laughs, and Lio doesn’t have the heart to tell them what really happened - not now, when Gueira is crying against his shoulder and tears are gathering in Meis’ eyes. Lio doesn’t realize he’s crying, too, until Meis reaches out and wipes a tear rolling down on his cheek. “I’m happy you’re alive, boss.”  
  
Lio pulls him into the hug he and Gueira are sharing and lets himself cry. He’s exhausted to his bones and his head feels heavy, clouded with worries and doubts and memories he’d rather forget. In the corners of his mind there are things that weigh him down, trying to pull him into somewhere he hates wandering into, but it’s easy to fight back when Gueira is holding his face in his hands, checking him for injuries, and Meis keeps telling him _it’s going to be okay, we’ll be okay_.  
  
“You must be cold,” Gueira says, and before Lio can answer he’s already taken his leather jacket off, fitting it around Lio’s shoulders. It’s warm and smells like fire, smoke and something Lio’s unconscious has labelled as home. “It’s a bit chilly out here, isn’t it?”  
  
“So.” The trio turns around, and Lio is quick to dry his eyes on the sleeves of Gueira’s jacket. He knows Galo and Aina saw their tears, yet he’s met with a pair of warm smiles without a trace of pity. “Are you two gonna help too? Lio already promised to lend a hand.”  
  
Gueira and Meis share a look - it’s fast, but to them it’s a whole conversation - before they nod in unison.

-/-  
  


It takes them ages to get to the Burnish trapped inside the pods (or it feels like ages, because it should be a priority yet they drive to the fire station first, getting everyone’s cuts and bruises tended. Lio pulls on a spare T-shirt Galo has stored in his locker and is halfway out of the door when Ignis tells him he can’t go there alone.   
  
It’s frustrating, and Lio snaps at him when he gifts him a Burning Rescue jacket in case he gets cold. Lio _never_ gets cold, and Ignis’ gesture makes his blood boil until he remembers).  
  
They struggle with the pods for a few days: there are hundreds of them, most of them damaged to some degree, locking people inside. Some of the pods only have ashes in them when they manage to pry them open, and the sight makes Lio’s heart drop every time.  
  
When they open the very last pod and only find a pile of ash, Lio’s chest feels so incredibly heavy he has to close his eyes and remind himself how to breathe.  
  
The city is still in shambles, but people are working hard to provide shelter for those with nowhere to go: citizens who got their homes destroyed and all the Burnish. Lio tries to think positively even though the city officials are creating separate shelters for Burnish and other people, because at least they’re protecting them now. Everyone has food and water, and although the heating could be better, it’s something Lio has promised to work on.  
  
Dark clouds have been gathering over the city, and the wind has turned cold. Lio knows he should be thankful they managed to go through all the pods before it starts raining and the Parnassus ruins turn into slippery piles of mud and metal. For some reason, however, Lio struggles to find the silver lining from the ashes staring up at him.  
  
“I’m gonna kill Kray Foresight,” he mutters, his hands curling into fists. Galo gives him a worried frown, and behind his back Gueira and Meis share a look.  
  
“I thought you didn't kill,” Galo reminds him, reaching out and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He retreats when Lio turns to look at him, eyes blazing.  
  
“I’m not Burnish anymore, am I?” Lio asks through gritted teeth. It’s not Galo’s fault, and he knows he shouldn’t act like this - the former Governor hurt Galo, too. He kicks the pod in frustration, but it doesn’t ease the choking feeling wrapping around his neck. “I’m gonna kill Kray Foresight with my own bare hands if I have to.”  
  
He kicks the box of steel in front of him again and again, hoping it would stop the burning tears gathering in his eyes. It’s hard to feel anything when his breathing gets caught in his throat and he feels sick to his stomach, the ugly weight residing somewhere behind his ribs only growing and growing no matter how many times he cries and screams in secret.  
  
He’s still kicking when Meis drags him away from the pod, arms around his upper body to keep him where he is.  
  
“You’re going to hurt yourself,” he says, and Lio is too worked up to hear the small waver in his voice.  
  
“Let me go!”  
  
“No.”  
  
“For fuck’s sake, Meis! Can’t you see, I’m- This is-”  
  
“It’s fucked up,” Gueira finishes his sentence, holding him by his shoulders. Lio tries to get out of their hold one more time before he gives in, chest heaving and vision blurry from tears. His entire body shakes with his sobs and he hides away in the crook of Gueira’s neck, two pairs of strong arms grounding him.  
  
He’s exhausted and feels like breaking when Meis whispers _it’s going to be okay_ into his hair.  
  
-/-  
  


In the weeks of reconstructing and cleaning the city up, nothing brings Lio more joy than visiting the Burnish shelter (it’s dumb to call it a Burnish shelter because the mutation doesn’t exist anymore and they’re all just normal humans now, but at the same time they’re the people Lio would still risk his life for, and he craves familiarity).  
  
He tries to visit daily, and sometimes he spends the night, catching up with everyone and helping around instead of sleeping. There are new apartment houses being built for all of them, but until the constructions are done Lio tries to make sure living in the shelter is bearable for everyone. He has a lot on his plate: ensuring his people are treated like they should, assisting in multiple reconstruction plans around the city, and shouldering different legal cases against himself and Mad Burnish (Lio understands nothing of the documents and important papers he’s given, but luckily there’s a resident at the shelter who used to be a lawyer and who’s more than happy to help him).  
  
Most of the time it’s Gueira and Meis who make sure everything is going smoothly and working out for the used-to-be-Burnish, and Lio couldn’t be more thankful for them. Adjusting hasn’t been easy to anyone, yet the duo keeps telling Lio he shouldn’t worry so much. He finds it hard: his people trusted him to make living easier for them, and although things have changed a lot since he joined Mad Burnish and dreamt of a safe haven for all of them, he still feels responsible. He owes his people that much, after everything they went through, partly because of him.  
  
After losing his Promare, Lio hasn’t felt powerful or strong. He’s young and inexperienced in normal life. For years he was just surviving and learning how to protect others, and he’s convinced everyone knows he’s basically nothing without Promare. He puts on a confident and cheerful front when visiting the shelter, but in reality he’s struggling with nightmares and uncontrollable bursts of anger that scare him.  
  
Gueira and Meis tell him it’s normal his mind and body are reacting now when he doesn’t have to constantly be on the run and worry about his fellow Burnish getting tortured by the government. However, a part of Lio secretly misses this old life of his: the flames and their heat, the adrenaline rush of speeding through the city on his motorcycle, Promare’s whispers ensuring he’d never be in a crushing silence alone with his thoughts.  
  
Coping would be a lot harder if he didn’t have Gueira and Meis. Through everything the duo had his back, ready to sacrifice themselves for him, knowing he’d do the same for them in a heartbeat. It’s mutual respect and loyalty, something Lio finds himself appreciating more and more each day. He knows Gueira and Meis have a history together; that it was them against the world long before Lio came into the picture. He became part of their lives easily - they accepted and welcomed him without second thoughts - but sometimes Lio finds himself longing for something the duo has between them. He knows what he and Galo have is special, but they’re still trying to figure out a lot of things and it’s totally different compared to Gueira and Meis.  
  
The blind trust, soft smiles and gentle touches when they think no one is watching make Lio yearn for something he’s convinced he doesn’t deserve.  
  
“Boss!” Gueira is waving to him when he arrives at the shelter. He and Meis are standing outside with some other residents, a loud group of children playing around them.  
  
“I’ve told you, you don’t have to call me that anymore.”  
  
“I know,” Gueira says with a smirk. “How’s it going?”  
  
Lio shrugs. “Fine. Knocked a full cup of coffee all over my legal documents today and had a temper tantrum over it. How about here?”  
  
Meis laughs at him, but tries to hide it. He fails miserably, but Lio doesn’t take it personally.  
  
“The heating is broken again. Or the weather is getting colder and most of us aren’t physically prepared for it.”  
  
“Are you talking about the residents or are you talking about yourself?” Meis chimes in the conversation, and one of the ladies nearby chuckle behind her hand. He wraps his arms around Gueira’s shoulders who pouts, and Lio rolls his eyes.  
  
“Let’s check the heating, then.”  
  
The three of them take a look at the central heating system, as well as every radiator in the shelter (there are a lot of them, because the weather keeps getting colder and the former Burnish find themselves shivering even on the relatively warm days. Lio knows winter is going to be hard for all of them). Surprisingly some of the radiators aren’t working like they should, and when Lio thinks aloud he has to figure out how to fix them, Meis tells him he and Gueira will take care of it.  
  
“You already do so much for us,” he reasons when they step back outside. It’s already getting dark, and the ladies have gone back inside with their children. Lio opens his mouth to argue, but Gueira interrupts him.  
  
“He’s right, boss. And you know you shouldn’t fight him,” he laughs, and Lio crosses his arms over his chest.  
  
“I owe them that much. I owe you.”  
  
“Don’t be an idiot, you don’t owe anyone anything,” Meis says, his tone strict. Lio gives him a hard look but eventually sighs in defeat, not missing the satisfied smirk that visits Meis’ face.  
  
A silence falls between them, but it’s not heavy or awkward. Everything is always so easy and comfortable with Meis and Gueira, and Lio treasures the fact. He was alone for a long time, just him and his Promare, but conjoining his flames with the duo had felt the most natural thing to do back then. He’s happy they still seem to have that connection even though they’re missing the fire now.  
  
Lio sits down on the bench placed next to the shelter’s entrance and watches, almost like he was hypnotized, how Gueira takes something out of his pocket and brightens the darkening night with a single flame. He uses it to light a cigarette and then kills the flame within seconds, but the fire remains on Lio’s retinas, making his heart beat more painfully against his suddenly hollow chest.  
  
“I know it’s unhealthy,” Gueira says when he notices Lio’s staring. “But it helps.”  
  
“Does it?”  
  
“I like the smoke,” Gueira says with a shrug and sits next to Lio. “Have you tried it?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Do you want to try it?”  
  
“I don’t know.” Gueira hands the cigarette to him, his surprisingly warm fingertips brushing against Lio’s cold ones, and Lio wishes his hands wouldn’t shake as much as they do. He changes a quick look with Meis who’s standing a few steps away and brings the cigarette to his lips.  
  
The smoke brings water to his eyes and the taste makes him cough. He takes another inhale but hands the cigarette back quickly after it. Gueira is laughing at him, and Lio doesn’t try to stop him - he must look ridiculous. However, a part of him understands why smoking might be soothing for someone like them, so he doesn’t judge.  
  
“It’s definitely not for me,” Lio says when he’s sure he’s gotten all the smoke out of his lungs. “Taste’s _awful_.”  
  
“You get used to it,” Meis says softly, a small smile on his lips. Gueira hums in agreement, laughter still dancing in his eyes. Lio makes a disgusted face that draws a tiny chuckle out of Meis, the sound of it so rare yet comforting it makes shivers run down Lio’s spine. He tries to burn the moment into his mind - how soothing Meis’ laugh and Gueira’s warm hands are - so he’d have something to return to when the night finally falls and he’s forced to be alone in the quiet again.  
  
“Boss?”  
  
“You don’t have to call me that anymore,” Lio mutters quickly, terrified he got caught in the middle of sinking into the dark layers of his mind. He forces himself to focus, and frowns when he sees a small, silver box on Meis’ outstretched hand. “What’s this?”  
  
“Maybe it’ll help you,” Meis says. Lio takes the box and pops the top open. It’s similar to what Gueira had, and with caution he rolls the tiny metal wheel, unable to look away when the lighter produces a wavy flame. He feels the heat of it, but it’s familiar rather than unbearable.  
  
“Why would it help me?” he asks, his voice barely a whisper. It frightens him that Meis saw right through him when Gueira lit that cigarette earlier, noticing how his eyes filled up with grief and longing. The flame goes out and Lio looks up, meeting Meis’ gaze (it’s full of worry and understanding; partly soft and partly so scared it makes Lio’s heart ache).  
  
“We all cope differently,” Meis states, not exactly answering Lio’s question.  
  
-/-  
  


Lio is sitting at the kitchen table in Burning Rescue’s headquarters with Meis and Gueira, going through some of their legal documents (some pages have coffee stains on them), when Galo charges in loudly. He has his usual, wide smile on when he stops next to the table, the trio’s undivided attention on him.  
  
“You’re all coming with us tonight, right?”  
  
“Coming where?” Lio asks.  
  
“With who?” Gueira adds.  
  
“Me, Aina and Lucia talked about going out for drinks when our shift ends, so in a couple of hours. You guys could probably use a little break, too,” Galo says, leaning against the doorframe. He nods towards the paperwork spread on the table, and Lio can’t help but agree with him.  
  
It’s been five weeks since he and Galo saved the world, and although a lot of things and people are still looking for their places, life in Promepolis has mostly returned to what it was before everything went down. There are still reconstructions to do and wounds to heal, but the building for one new apartment house made for Burnish got finished some time ago, and most of them having proper homes now brings Lio some peace. They have some legal cases left to fight as Mad Burnish, but so far things have worked out quite well for them (mostly because of the older gentleman who used to be a lawyer before becoming Burnish, and Lio doesn’t know how they can ever thank him enough).  
  
“I’m in.” It’s Meis who talks first, Gueira nodding enthusiastically next to him. Galo looks at Lio, excitement glimmering in his eyes. Lio gives him a smile.  
  
“We’ll come with you.”  
  
They hit Burning Rescue’s favorite pizzeria first, eating and exchanging silly gossip (Lucia is convinced Ignis and Remi are secretly dating, and Lio finds that absolutely ridiculous). After inhaling their weight in pizza they walk to a bar located on the main street. It’s a cozy one with a long wooden counter and dim lighting. They aren’t the only customers but it’s not crowded either, the atmosphere warm and welcoming. They settle in one of the booths, the seats soft and the table slightly chipped.  
  
“I wonder if it’ll hit differently,” Gueira muses when everyone has their drinks, and the firefighter-side of their table is in the middle of looking at something on Aina’s phone screen. Meis hums, and Lio frowns for a second before he understands.  
  
As Burnish, the fire within them effectively cut the sharpest head off of alcohol. They did get drunk a few times back then, but it usually required a huge amount of liquor for it to really have an effect on them. Lio realizes that he has never really gotten drunk, since he became Burnish relatively young and didn’t exactly have normal teenage years.  
  
What Lio has in the glass in front of him isn’t anything strong, but it burns slightly in his throat. The feeling isn’t foreign or something he didn’t expect, and he finds himself enjoying the light tingle the alcohol creates, slowly easing the freezing cold that has been festering his insides for weeks. It doesn’t get warm _enough_ , but for the first time in weeks Lio can truly focus on something else than the cold: his friends laughing at Lucia’s dumb jokes and silly videos on Aina’s phone, Gueira and Meis sharing ridiculous stories of their mishaps before Lio knew them, and how everyone’s faces light up when Lio struggles to hide his giggles behind his glass and it brings blush on his cheeks (he insists it’s because of the alcohol, but he’s not fooling anyone).  
  
After a few drinks Lio is already feeling the effects, but it’s not unpleasant. He doesn’t turn Galo down when he wants to buy drinks for all of them, and when Lucia calls for a round of shots he has one without second thoughts. What he feels is something he has never experienced before, and a part of him finds it absolutely exhilarating. He has lost some sense of his fingertips, but for once the dark corners of his mind aren’t trying to overpower him.  
  
He doesn’t realize his vision is getting slightly blurry until he really tries to focus on a video Galo and Lucia had recorded earlier, testing some new tech for Burning Rescue. He rubs his eyes and the world sways from side to side, his head feeling like an ocean.  
  
“You okay there, boss?” Gueira wraps an arm around him and Lio leans in without realizing, resting his head on his shoulder.  
  
“Feels… weird.”  
  
“I feel you,” Gueira says with a laugh, ruffling Lio’s hair. It’s something that Gueira loves doing because he knows it annoys Lio, but he lets it slide this time (mostly because it feels _nice_ , but he’s never going to admit that).  
  
“Maybe we should go home?” Meis suggests from Gueira’s other side.  
  
Lio hums. The home he’s talking about is an apartment Meis and Gueira are sharing, because Lio doesn’t have a home. He knows he could get a place of his own from the apartment complex built for Burnish, but he didn’t accept one because there are still families sharing two-room apartments with other families, and their safety is more important to him. Lio has been sleeping on Galo’s couch, on the edge of Meis and Gueira’s bed and even at the fire station. He tells everyone he’ll get his own place as soon as possible, but if he’s being honest, having an apartment with cold walls and endless silence creeping on its every surface is the last thing he wants.  
  
On the other side of the table Aina agrees with a yawn, and they leave the bar. Getting on his feet grows the waves inside Lio’s head and his inability to follow a straight line makes him laugh. Gueira seems to be struggling with walking as well, and Meis finds their staggering hilarious. He puts his arms around their shoulders to guide them, sudden fits of laughter slowing them down even more.  
  
“Will you guys be alright?” Galo asks when they reach the point where they have to go separate ways.  
  
“We’ll be fine. We’ve been through worse,” Meis adds when a hint of worry visits Galo’s face. It seems to convince him, and they wave Galo, Aina and Lucia goodbye before heading down the street.  
  
“Let us know when you get home!” Aina shouts after them, and Meis gives her a thumbs up.  
  
They eventually make it to the apartment building, both Meis and Gueira having troubles with getting their keys into the locks. When they finally unlock the door to their apartment, the three of them sprawl in, trying not to make too much noise since it’s already late. Lio kicks his shoes off and throws his jacket to the general direction of the couch before laying down on the floor next to it, groaning when the lights get turned on. He throws an arm over his eyes and listens how someone sits down next to him, leaning against the couch.  
  
“How’s it going?” Gueira asks, and Lio feels his warm fingertips brush against the back of his hand.  
  
“Everything kinda spins.”  
  
“Do you feel sick?”  
  
“Not really. Do you?”  
  
“A little. But it’ll pass,” Gueira says with confidence, and Lio has no reason to doubt him.  
  
Lio moves his arm and slowly opens his eyes when he hears the kitchen tap running and then Meis walking to them. He sits on the floor between them, handing a glass of water to Gueira. He has another one in his other hand, and he rests it gently against Lio’s forehead. It feels cool and he pouts, making Meis laugh.  
  
“You should drink this,” he reasons, not breaking eye contact with Lio. There’s something soft and adoring in his gaze that makes the bottom of Lio’s stomach warm up in a pleasant, familiar way. It reminds him of his Promare, but there’s also something different in it - one kind of warmth that he has never felt before.  
  
Slowly Lio sits up and takes the glass, looking down. “Thank you.”  
  
“No problem, boss.”  
  
“No, I- I really mean it,” Lio says, raising his eyes to face his ex partners in crime. “You two have always looked after me, not just tonight. It’s… I never thought I’d have something like that. Something like _this_. Just- thank you. Both of you.”  
  
Lio bites his lip, his heart hammering against his chest. He’s not sure is it the right time to voice his gratitude, but for the first time in weeks he feels safe enough to do so. Maybe he’s a little bit drunk, and kind of having a hard time naming all the feelings he truly has towards the two men sitting there with him, but the warmth within him is comforting in the best way possible.  
  
“We’ll always have your back,” Gueira says, certain and honest.   
  
“You took care of us, so we’ll take care of you,” Meis says with a shrug. He says it easily, like it’s the _truth_ , and the warmth inside Lio climbs up and spreads through his chest. His surprise and confusion must reflect in his expression, because Meis laughs and combs his messy, overgrown hair behind his ears. “Don’t make that face.”  
  
“What face? I’m not making a face.”  
  
“That face you make when you’re about to disagree with me,” Meis says. Lio rolls his eyes and hates how he feels a shiver running down his spine when Meis finishes arranging his hair and places a hand on his cheek. He seems to be deep in thought, something dark yet vulnerable swimming in his eyes when he leans in.  
  
Lio draws in a sharp breath when Meis’ lips ghost over his, and that makes him realize what he’s doing.  
  
“You’re beautiful.” The words escape Lio’s mouth before he has a chance to stop them, quickly whispered into the air between them before Meis pulls away. It’s the truth, something Lio has caught himself thinking more than once, but he never planned to say it out loud. A faint blush climbs on Meis’ face and although he’s avoiding Lio’s gaze, Lio notices it.  
  
“We should go to bed,” Meis says and stands up, Lio and Gueira’s eyes following him. He runs a hand through his hair, a small, ashamed smile on his face. Lio feels his heart in his throat, and when he looks at Gueira, the knowing smirk on his lips only confuses him more.  
  
“Yeah, we should,” Gueira says, getting on his feet. He offers his hand to Lio who takes it after a moment of hesitation. “C’mon, fireball. It’s late.”  
  
Lio spends the night in Meis and Gueira’s bed, the bed’s rightful owners having their arms around him, their peaceful breathing lulling him into sleep which doesn’t get invaded by nightmares for once. He wakes up with a dry mouth and a heavy head, glaring at Gueira who laughs at the state of his hair.  
  
Lio has never been hungover, so he’s not sure if he’s now having one or not. It takes him an hour to wake up properly, and he only really does it when Meis comes into the bedroom, ushering Gueira out of bed so they can go and buy breakfast for them.  
  
“You can stay in bed, we’ll be back in ten minutes or so,” Meis says when Lio throws the blanket away and rubs his eyes.  
  
“No,” Lio disagrees, trying to shake the traces of sleep off. “I’m awake. Is there something I can do to help?”  
  
Meis and Gueira exchange a look, and then they shrug in unison. It would make Lio laugh if it was the first time, but it’s not. If anything it’s amazing how the duo seems to share at least half of their brain function.  
  
“We’re supposed to do laundry today. You can put your own clothes in too, if you want. There are clean shirts in the wardrobe, you can borrow as many as you need,” Gueira says, pointing at the seemingly overflowing closet on the other end of the room. Lio gives him a thumbs up and sends them off with a lazy wave of his hand, making his way to the bathroom when the door closes behind them.  
  
Lio stands in front of the washing machine for a moment before he realizes he has no idea what he’s supposed to do - he has _never_ operated a washing machine before. They didn’t have such luxuries on the run, and in the past weeks Galo had been kind enough to wash Lio’s dirty clothes with his own.  
  
He stares at the selection of numbers on the machine, having no clue what they mean. His eyes travel up on the bottles of detergent placed on top of the machine, and they offer no answers to the questions in his head. One of them says _COLOR_ and the one next to it has _WHITE_ written on its side, but the pile of laundry Lio picked up from the basket in the corner of the room has everything from white to black.  
  
Lio swallows down the panic tightening his throat and tells himself he’s been through worse. He _can_ figure this out.  
  
He separates the whites from the rest (because that’s what the detergent bottles are suggesting, anyway) and puts them back in the laundry basket before stuffing the remaining clothes in the washing machine. He takes the detergent labelled as _COLOR_ and opens it, a faint scent of lavender filling the room. He turns the bottle around in his hands for instructions, but there isn’t any - the only helpful thing being a warning saying _do not ingest_ in red.  
  
Lio bites his lip in hesitation. There’s a lot of clothes in the machine, so it’s safe to assume he needs a lot of detergent as well, right? He stares at the washing machine again, trying to decide where he’s supposed to put the detergent. The machine doesn’t give him any answers, so he takes a leap of faith and pours some detergent as well as a bucket-full of water straight on the clothes inside before shutting the machine’s door. He caps the detergent bottle, turns the machine on and chooses a program blindly. The machine starts whirring, and Lio lets out a breath of relief he didn’t realize he’s holding.  
  
He goes back to the bedroom for a change of clothes. He rummages through Meis and Gueira’s wardrobe and eventually pulls on an oversized sweater that smells faintly of lavender. He sorts his hair out in front of a full-body mirror placed in the corner of the room and then goes back to check on the washing machine only to find the bathroom floor flooded with water and heaps of foam.  
  
This time he’s not able to stop the panic taking over him. He sprints to the machine and frantically presses the button that’s supposed to turn the machine off. It produces a loud, shrilling beep but cuts the power, a heavy silence filling the bathroom. With shaking hands Lio forces the washing machine’s door open, more water and foam escaping its insides and spreading on the floor. The water is cold, wrapping around Lio’s ankles and dragging him on his knees when the first tears run down on his cheeks.  
  
He feels like a failure. Lio Fotia - the leader of Mad Burnish, once one of the strongest Burnish on Earth - can’t even do the _fucking_ laundry without creating a disaster. He’s ashamed and angry, and the hot tears running down his face only makes him feel worse. What would everybody say if they saw him now? Would they still trust him to take care of them? Would they still believe him when he told them living will get easier from now on? Because Lio himself definitely wouldn’t. He hates doubting himself like this, hates how weak and pathetic he has become after losing his Promare. He hates how he can’t sleep properly because whenever he closes his eyes it’s just a dark abyss closing around him, trapping him and leaving every part of his body in piercing pain, slithering between his ribs and cutting off his breathing; and if he manages to fall asleep the nightmares barge in, filled with Kray Foresight and his friends turning into ash and how he accidentally burned down his childhood home at the age of nine. He hates how he tries to adjust to the world he’s now forced to live in but it’s _damn_ hard when he can’t focus on anything because it’s so quiet and so cold all the time and he feels so incredibly lonely.   
  
He cries, his whole body trembling with his sobs, his throat narrowing down when he hears the door opening and closing, Meis and Gueira’s voices filling the otherwise quiet apartment.  
  
“Boss?” It doesn’t take long for them to come to the bathroom since Lio forgot the door wide open. They freeze on the threshold, and judging by the looks on their faces Lio thinks he must look awful.  
  
“I- I’m sorry,” he chokes out, feeling absolutely humiliated. He can’t bring himself to meet eyes with his friends, and stopping the tears becomes impossible when Gueira sits down next to him on the wet floor and pulls him into a hug.  
  
“Don’t worry about it.”  
  
“I’m- I’ve never done this before. I’m so, so s-sorry. I just destroy everything.”  
  
“No, you don’t,” Meis says, his tone strict. He settles himself on Lio’s other side and joins the hug. Gueira’s warm fingers create soothing circles on the back of Lio’s neck, wordlessly telling him that this isn’t the end of the world.  
  
They stay like that until Lio has control over his sobs and his chest doesn’t feel so impossibly tight anymore. Gueira reaches out and captures his tears on his fingertips, his gentle touch comforting enough to calm Lio’s erratic breathing down. Meis runs his fingers through Lio’s hair and pulls it into a tiny ponytail, securing it with a hair tie forgotten on the edge of the sink.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Lio says again, his voice raw from all the crying. “I still have so much to learn about this whole… living thing.”  
  
“That’s okay!” Gueira says, his usual, wide smile back on its place. “We’re here to help you.”  
  
“Maybe Galo will let me sleep on his couch a bit longer,” Lio says with a humourless laugh. “I would flood or burn down my own place in days.”  
  
“Or…,” Meis starts, stopping to change a look with Gueira. Gueira just smiles and gives him an encouraging nod. “Or you could move in with us.”  
  
Lio simply stares, his eyes jumping from Meis to Gueira, and then back to Meis. They aren’t saying anything, not pulling their words back or laughing, telling him they’re just joking. Lio is dumbfounded, the warmth he felt the night before slowly making its way back before his stomach drops.  
  
“I- I can’t. I don’t want to mess up your… thing,” he says. Meis and Gueira have never said anything to him, but Lio isn’t stupid. They’ve never kissed or held hands in front of him, but Lio knows they’re in a relationship. It might not be the most traditional one, considering the lifestyle they were forced to live for years, but it’s _there_ and anyone with eyes could see it without squinting. It’s always the two of them, one kind of package deal, and Lio doesn’t want to come in the way of something beautiful like that.  
  
Meis sighs, puts his hands on each side of Lio’s face and kisses him.  
  
One part of Lio is so surprised that for a brief second he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do (the other part of him expected it, and had been waiting for it to happen, but Lio refuses to indulge in that part of his subconscious). His eyes flutter shut and he relaxes into the touch, not realizing he’s crying until Meis pulls back and dries the tears with his thumbs.  
  
“Hey, it’s alright,” Gueira says, upbeat and confident, pulling Lio against his chest and kissing his cheek. He’s laughing and Lio smiles through his tears, giggling when Gueira leaves a trail of soft pecks all over his face. Lio reaches for Meis’ hand and pulls him into the hug, his happy laugh making Lio’s heart momentarily feel too big for his chest. They are more or less drenched, lavender-scented foam sticking to their clothes, but it doesn’t matter: they can clean the bathroom up, change into dry clothes and prepare breakfast in peace.  
  
Lio realizes that nothing - nightmares, self-doubt or inexperience in life - will be enough to break him as long as the three of them can be together.

**Author's Note:**

> The washing machine scene was inspired by [this amazing art!](https://twitter.com/justThemys/status/1238579865969987593?s=20)
> 
> [tumblr](https://sleepyams.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/avaruussade)


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